Mere kadhi chawal

to make friends...is not easy. to make a good friend is difficult. to make a female friend is more difficult but to be loved by woman is more easy than befriending her. and all this is my personalised experience.

accept that i am a slow reader... accept that it takes time accept that it's not your fault accept the past that it did as it had to be ... accept that i have flaws accept that every change take time ...slowly and eventually accept that you have to develop patience accept that somethings are not in your control as love accept that the things which are in your control takes time to be built...

To become not what others want rather to become what I want. To break the shackles of their opinion about myself that how a person should be. Now , the person i become is what I think I should not rather what people think But why did it take my so much time ... I guess, it's not in our control... Everyone has a different story and different pace of learning... And what I have learnt in this time is way way more deeper and stronger that will surely help me in future.

Sometimes the thought that there is nothing in our control ... somehow calms me ..there is no free will. I don't know too much about it...but I want to believe it to be somehow... That there is no free will. All we are puppets. I guess that's why people associate themselves to god so much as it somehow loses th grip of control.  Neither I am confirming it ..not I can completely disregarding it.  I guess it's does not matter so much ...that's how I think I am agnostic. Despite knowing all this , I still chose to work ... because at least it gives me peace , not the regret of wasting time and atleast i try. For somethings , my actions do matter and I do them. living your life as if your actions matter, while accepting that the bigger picture might be out of your hands.

Mujhe ek desire hai ...desire hai wo...bahut high cravings ho rahi hai uski ....but wo aayegi nhi ... Toh ye desire dheere dheere time ke saath aise hi jayegi ...ki accha woh toh nhi aa raha h. Iska matlab ye desire chubana band kar degi ...ki jab wo complete ho hi nhi skti toh kya fayda ... Aur fir dimaag khud ko rewire aur neuroplasticity ki wajah se stable kar lega ...aur iss sab main time lagega . Ki angoor nhi mil rahe ...toh thik h ...kya farak padta hai ye sochne ..jab wo Milne hi nhi hai to  Kami rehti hai but wo itni chubti nhi hai...kyunki puri ho hi nhi skti  Aur iss tarah se usse accept kar raha hu  ... Otherwise kisi aur ko le aana uss void ko bharne ke liye is not a good option...koi nahi bhar payega abhi toh  Aur ye sochna ki sirf ussi insaan se bharega ye void ...toh it's pain talking to you .. Ab wo insaan toh chala gya lekin iss void ka main kya karu...main kaise bharu ... Toh ye baat dheere dheere bhar jayegi ki woh nhi aane wali ...aur iss tarah s...

sometimes i think that not every desire could be fulfilled at everytime.  you can't remove desire from human ...it's a necessary to thing for being human. as long as desire exist, the dukka or sadness exist.  the only thing to some desires that can't be fulfilled at that time ...is to accept  जब जब दर्द का बादल छाया  हमने दिल को ये समझाया  दिल तू क्यूँ रोता है  दुनिया में युहीन होता है  eg as there exist a sexual desire, you can't extinguish it apart from partner...or sometimes you can jerk off but there is nothing else except accepting the fact that some things out of your control always. the other source of dukka is comparison ... its not the emptiness that bothers you , rather its the fulfilment of others that puzzles you. you have to understand that you cant compare ...its not that way ...its not on same metrices... you have a different life ...and the answer to that why you have different life is not known...nobody known ...its just the way it is ...