Mere kadhi chawal

I asked myself a question yesterday, where and why was I failing in the preparation? As I myself thinking that one does not fail in the exam rather one fails in the preparation of the exam  So the answer comes out as little moments  So let's explain it , what do I mean by little moments. Suppose you have a big and vast ship , and now you want to row that ship into sea but whenever you try to row it , it starts to sink ..  You think it's a problem with ship design and what not ...so you again made a ship , and then same chain of events occur. And you gain made a new ship. So the answer is not ship design rather the small holes ...tiny holes that punctured the ship. The best saying that describes it very well is "Don't use sword to kill mosquito" In my life while preparing, I too punctured with these small holes , and in response to that I change my whole plan again and again. And what are these holes ...these are small moments as boredom, mood , some household chor...

this is completely my set of ideas and if you don't align with it, it's all okay. i am not preaching here anything rather i am saying what i want to say to myself and what i personally felt while trying to prepare for upsc cse . since i have not cleared it, so i have no authority but i think this is the way that i adopted and benefits me, and also the other ways makes me anxious.  so with the disclaimer alert, i want to start this by 2 quotes  '' you don't fail in any exam rather , you fails in the preparation of exam '' '' if you don't enjoy the way during the process, i don't know about the right way, but this the wrong way surely''. first thing first , the first quote told us about the importance of preparation, the winner is not the outcome of a single day event rather its the outcome of several days which he put for that single day.  so before getting the day ceased, you have to cease your preparation . you have many obstacles wh...

I can't be loved by anyone and i accepted it with full heart. Nobody could love me. I can't able have a love life since I don't have love line. I can give love and to get reciprocated... impossible...and i accept it. Though in past i get reciprocation of love , but not how much I wanted .... Always loved less. that's why I have accepted it that people can't love me and i am not lovable. I'm exhausted. I am not writing it to get some sympathy... I am writing it because I am sad. I have a hope but it feels very tired and exhausting. I have to kill that hope too ..i have to kill that wish. Chahne ki zarurat nhi, chahne ki Chahat ko maar diya jaaye ab. It's difficult, still in my heart some love left but it's better to accept that this feeling ain't for me. There is no one left who could revert back my love ...people are not capable enough...so I left this feeling here. #haq se single

हम जिसे चाहें पूरे दिल से  वो भी हमसे दिल लगाए, ज़रूरी तो नहीं हर किसी को पसंद आ जाऊँ मैं इतनी सी भी ज़िंदगी की मजबूरी तो नहीं बस चाहत है, कोई क़र्ज़ थोड़ी है हर एक रिश्ता निभाए, ज़रूरी तो नहीं जिससे मैं पसंद नहीं, उससे क्या गिला हर दर पे सर झुकाए, ज़रूरी तो नहीं हर कोई देख ले मेरे अंदर का शहर हर राज़ यूँ ही दिखाए, ज़रूरी तो नहीं ख़ुद को बचा के रखना भी एक हुनर है हर बार ख़ुद को गँवाए, ज़रूरी तो नहीं मिल जाए कोई जो गिले भी समझ ले उससे पहले दिल पिघले, ज़रूरी तो नहीं ।                                                      – शिनाख्त 

वो इश्क़ ही नहीं करती मुझसे , अब कोई मतलब नहीं है इन बातों का, जिन आंखों में थे ख़्वाब कभी क्यों बोझ बने अब उन रातों का। हम अपना ढूँढे कोई और काम ये इश्क़ नहीं है हमारे लिए,  मेरे आँसू, मेरे लफ़्ज़, मेरी आवाज़ क्या मायने रखते हैं तुम्हारे लिए। जब दिल इतना रो रहा है तुम फिर भी नहीं आती सहारे लिए , और जब समझ ही नहीं पाई मेरी मोहब्बत तो क्या था हक़ तुम्हारा हमारे लिए । मैं भूल जाऊँ तुम्हें, यही बेहतर है तुम्हें याद रखना ख़तरा है अब हमारे लिए, दर पर दस्तक तो दी हमने बहुत पर खुला नहीं वो कभी हमारे लिए। अब कोई शिकायत नहीं तुमसे पर अब तुम नहीं रही कुछ हमारे लिए, मेरे लिए तुम नहीं बची अब जाओ, किसी और को ढूँढो अपने सहारे लिए। हम परेशान नहीं करेंगे तुम्हें चुप-चाप चले जाएँगे एक आह भी न होगी तुम्हारी ज़िंदगी में जैसे चला जाता है कोई किनारे लिए।                                                –शिनाख्त 

Dear jaana , I have told you that I will give you some nickname , so now I have decided to call you jaana, even though I can't able to talk to you since there is no strength left in me. I don't understand that you don't love me ...even though you told me how you feel , still you are not able to accept those feelings, you said how you feel free and happy with me, how you don't feel uncomfortable by my touch.  Honestly, maybe I am not physically attractive enough. I am not loud attractive as market , but I am attractive in subtle and nuanced way.i care, understand, feel and could be there when you have lost all things. But what is the point of my argument if you don't love me back. I love you more than I could say, and you feel even less what I said. The mismatch and the non revert back of emotions makes me feel sad and painful. I can't change you, I could only influence you or only you could change yourself for me. But it seems impossible. I have told you that I ...