Mere kadhi chawal

Jab neend aa jaye, jab phone dekhne ki zarurat na pade, jab aankhein khud band hone ko bole.... Tab so jao...force mat karo khud ko sone ke liye ...na hi resist karo khud ko ...just let be there sleeping Kabhi external kuch problems ho toh unse deal kar lo ..jaise jaldi uth Jana aur kisi ne forcefully disturb kar diya ...bare with it.. Kyunki neend khud aati hai ...you can't do anything about it. But please don't scroll phone while sleeping...agar neend nahi AA Rahi toh better to do some tasks.

There is something honest in my writing which I am gonna reveal today  I can fall in love with anyone without any reason. I can fall for any person who exists on this planet. There exists something good in everyone despite having many bad things. And I always love them for their good things. You can say or i could think...that it is a sign of a good and clear heart. But here comes the real deal. Every time I fell in love with that person... I make her try or I think I insist her to fill my void .. And that's where problems start ... I half can't love a full. It's a no match . ... But not anymore...I found my better half...that's not a person...that's not a thing ...rather the poets and their poetry. There are several names which I think to be considerable as nida fazli, bashir badr, javed akhtar, waseem barelvi, ahmed faraz, Nasir kazmi, faiz ...and many more  They somehow complete me . There is a thing said by nida fazli in his mushaira  "Ek gum ka dusre gum ...

तू मुझसे क्यूँ इतनी बातें बनाती है  फिर भी ये रिश्ता नहीं समझ पाती है  मेरे करीब रहती है जो तू इस कदर  क्या तेरे दिल में , मेरी कोई जगह आती है  तू दोस्ती कितनी अच्छी निभाती है  फिर भी खुद को नहीं पहचान पाती है  तू कह देती है मुझसे सब कुछ  और मुझसे तू क्या नहीं छुपाती है  तू नासमझ रह गई इस सब के बाद  तू पतंग की तरह खुद में उलझ जाती है  मैं नहीं हूँ इस उलझन का जवाब  मेरे जाने के बाद तू खुद को पाती है  तुझमे हिम्मत नहीं एक फोन करने की  और मेरा किया फोन तू नहीं उठाती है  ऐसे कैसे कर लू भरोसा तुझ पे  तू कहती है की याद मेरी आती  है तू समझदार नहीं पर महसूस करती है  लेकिन मेरे दिल में समझ पहले आती है  जा माफ किया तेरी नासमझी को  ऐसे तो दोस्ती नहीं निभाई जाती है  मैं दोस्त नहीं हूँ तुम्हारा  मुझे तो बस इश्क की ज़बान आती है  मेरे हिस्से में क्या ही बचता है तुमसे बचकर     मेरे हिस्से में तो बस बेकारारी आती है  कोई नहीं ठहरता हमेशा एक जगह  किसी की यादों से आगे कोई लड़...

 for me , honestly upsc cse is not a memorization exam ..its not related to how much i can study , its not how smart i am , its not how much consistent i am rather it is an exam of my emotional stability. this is exam of my emotional understanding, how much i am able to deal with my emotions effectively. other than emotional stability, i have all that is required to ace this exam thats why i said it as an exam or a test of my emotional stability . blogging helps a lot in emotional stability, friends helps but this is all from my side. from my side i wrote a blog as  emotions and upsc cse but but but ...there has to be a direction nad here comes my missing link.. poets are like my mentors ...they never negate your feelings rather they validate your feelings ..i can walk a thousand miles on my own but poets help in direction ...its like my mentorship  ... and i am not kidding right now as  i can say without any doubt that nida fazli is a fucking genius on the matters o...

i know many rational thoughts behind studying. such that 99 reasons to know why studying is important ...and studying is indispensable...you have to complete your dreams...but still padhne ka mann nahi hain . Kya mere khwab khwab hi reh jayenge? Kya mere khwab ka main khud dushman hun ? Kya mujhe bilkul bhi social validation nhi chahiye? Kya main apne zone main itna comfortable ho gya hun ki padh nhi paa raha ? don't be guilt about the fact that you are not going to studying rather wasting time on other thing...think it as recharging yourself or just purely being human. an you must never do 100 percent effort ..leave it to 80 percent....leave somethings for the next day..never complete the day. just think about studying for next 5 min. study ...no big goals nothing else..complete zero goals for the day ..have empty mind...zero thinking about results. And even no big procedure in mind And no big targets. Just study. since effectiveness beats efficiency..though i don't believe it...

so by just looking at the title, you must be wondering what could i write more which has not been written till that time. the only thing that i can give is personalisation. so here is my honest and clear take on love ... don't chase the better half  it is most sad and most frustrating advice that i can give to myself, and have given so.. say no to casual say no to someone directly without thinking it would hurt them .  be blunt in terms of love. don't act as friend as in facade of loved ones...before and after . you still found people attractive, as attractive as you never think..life has always more to offer than your imagination.  its my personal preference ...if you won't dedicate time to build what you have to offer because you have nothing to offer at this age . because,  suppose you found a person attractive and this person you met after 5 years of being indulged here and there ...so you have nothing to offer ..even you have nothing to do even for yourself... s...