Mere kadhi chawal

Human destined to be lonely .. It's our desire to get socialise...and there is nothing wrong in that ...but it won't be completed with those people who you want to fill You are unique in itself ...there is no one like you  This is the cost of being original and authentic... because you will be moulded by people opinion. You want to share with people...but people are either deaf or will shut you down for your voice ...because they don't like it  Have some people to understand you atleast...and that's the main problem...having some friends could make it little easier but let's see  Where would it be go  But all I feel , there is nothing too much that we can do to it... As free will don't exist so much Do the things that you love....it will save some heaviness.

to make friends...is not easy. to make a good friend is difficult. to make a female friend is more difficult but to be loved by woman is more easy than befriending her. and all this is my personalised experience.

accept that i am a slow reader... accept that it takes time accept that it's not your fault accept the past that it did as it had to be ... accept that i have flaws accept that every change take time ...slowly and eventually accept that you have to develop patience accept that somethings are not in your control as love accept that the things which are in your control takes time to be built...

To become not what others want rather to become what I want. To break the shackles of their opinion about myself that how a person should be. Now , the person i become is what I think I should not rather what people think But why did it take my so much time ... I guess, it's not in our control... Everyone has a different story and different pace of learning... And what I have learnt in this time is way way more deeper and stronger that will surely help me in future.

Sometimes the thought that there is nothing in our control ... somehow calms me ..there is no free will. I don't know too much about it...but I want to believe it to be somehow... That there is no free will. All we are puppets. I guess that's why people associate themselves to god so much as it somehow loses th grip of control.  Neither I am confirming it ..not I can completely disregarding it.  I guess it's does not matter so much ...that's how I think I am agnostic. Despite knowing all this , I still chose to work ... because at least it gives me peace , not the regret of wasting time and atleast i try. For somethings , my actions do matter and I do them. living your life as if your actions matter, while accepting that the bigger picture might be out of your hands.

Mujhe ek desire hai ...desire hai wo...bahut high cravings ho rahi hai uski ....but wo aayegi nhi ... Toh ye desire dheere dheere time ke saath aise hi jayegi ...ki accha woh toh nhi aa raha h. Iska matlab ye desire chubana band kar degi ...ki jab wo complete ho hi nhi skti toh kya fayda ... Aur fir dimaag khud ko rewire aur neuroplasticity ki wajah se stable kar lega ...aur iss sab main time lagega . Ki angoor nhi mil rahe ...toh thik h ...kya farak padta hai ye sochne ..jab wo Milne hi nhi hai to  Kami rehti hai but wo itni chubti nhi hai...kyunki puri ho hi nhi skti  Aur iss tarah se usse accept kar raha hu  ... Otherwise kisi aur ko le aana uss void ko bharne ke liye is not a good option...koi nahi bhar payega abhi toh  Aur ye sochna ki sirf ussi insaan se bharega ye void ...toh it's pain talking to you .. Ab wo insaan toh chala gya lekin iss void ka main kya karu...main kaise bharu ... Toh ye baat dheere dheere bhar jayegi ki woh nhi aane wali ...aur iss tarah s...

sometimes i think that not every desire could be fulfilled at everytime.  you can't remove desire from human ...it's a necessary to thing for being human. as long as desire exist, the dukka or sadness exist.  the only thing to some desires that can't be fulfilled at that time ...is to accept  जब जब दर्द का बादल छाया  हमने दिल को ये समझाया  दिल तू क्यूँ रोता है  दुनिया में युहीन होता है  eg as there exist a sexual desire, you can't extinguish it apart from partner...or sometimes you can jerk off but there is nothing else except accepting the fact that some things out of your control always. the other source of dukka is comparison ... its not the emptiness that bothers you , rather its the fulfilment of others that puzzles you. you have to understand that you cant compare ...its not that way ...its not on same metrices... you have a different life ...and the answer to that why you have different life is not known...nobody known ...its just the way it is ...

: as exam approach , fear increase ...it's natural and normal ...accept it ...there is nothing inherently wrong with it  : what will others say if I fail  Don't buy their disappointment, because they really don't exist in my life ... Even if I succeed they will say something... Don't buy their even praise . They will say something, but they could not afford to make you eat and make you stay at their own expenses . : what will my friend and family members will say of I fail ... This one is actually important ...and this actually hits ... And somehow they will understand ...and if you think they don't know ... actually they don't want you to end as being poor  ..and even if you think they don't understand...then let me say this bluntly...it's your battle at the end ... And you are fighting on your own without wanting anything from them And the friends...who mocks you... believe me either they never done anything grand in life or simply need a chance to get...

Ab hum ishq ki tab baat karenge ...ya fir usse tab yaad karenge...yaa fir agle insaan ko bhi mauka denge ...Naya ishq ko dhundhenge ...jab apne goals ko paa lenge...kyunki mujhe devdas nhi banna hai

Have one female friend... Who is non romantic.. from your side..even at that level of she is alone in this world , you still can't marry her. And apart from her... everyone who tries to be friend me (offcourse girls), stay away from her ...because all you need then a partner. All those who think you as a good friend but can't think you as partner. Stay away from those ...because I get in love with everyone who comforts me. And have male friends...to talk about your stuff.

रेत ना मिली तो शीशी में पत्थर भरे उस एक जाने के बाद, कितने लोग दिल में भरे आज तक कोई उसकी जगह न ले पाया  उसे कौन बताए कि आकर अपनी कमी भरे उसमें कोई हुनर होगा छोड़ जाने का हमें तो किसी का मुसलसल साथ भरे अब उनकी क्या गलती जो साथ में हैं हमारे  अब जो चले गए उनमें क्या ज़हर भरे अब बसर कर रहे हैं ज़िंदगी ठीक ठाक कोई होता तो शायद गुलों में रंग भरे                                                 –शिनाख्त 

So keep doing work and keep improving.

You don't anything about future. How people will behave...how will they treat you, you don't know anything about it... because you are in a stage of development...  One thing is sure if you curb this developmental process...the future not gonna be easy. Because one thing is sure ...change is inevitable and you don't know how it gonna change . You predict the future based on people present behaviour, you judge the. With their present action that they do to you..so you start to imagine what how will they behave to you in future..but that's not correct because people and situations change with time ....as time does not travel in a linear fashion. So don't be too much concerned with future, rather be concerned with your development process.

stay away from bullshit people...its not arrogance rather it is self preservation. there are many people as emotionally bullshit...but the trick here is that even they don't know about it. all i did is pity on them. and i can't do anything about it. they could be nice, naive and overall know how do they feel but still they are unaware about their actions. that's why they are emotionally bullshit people...stay away from them, since they are already puzzled with them and even if you want to help , or offer a helping hand ...they pull you in their problem and will eventually will blame you and you could be traumatised for no reason....rather than just being a nice person to someone. overall,  you are not responsible for fixing people who don’t even see their own patterns. and here i don't mean to not help anyone...help the needy but with the boundaries. and if someone understands or changes or get better...bravo...you finally found a person to be kept..and thts the most be...

तुम्हारी चीज़ों से तुमको पहचान लेता हूँ   अपने अंदर कुछ ऐसे वहम पाल लेता हूँ   हर किसी की निगाहों में तुम्हारी आँखें ढूँढता हूँ   हर किसी के चेहरे में तुम्हारी शक्ल पहचान लेता हूँ   शायद तुम गुज़रती रही हो मेरे आस-पास से   इस बात को अपना ही वहम मान लेता हूँ   मुझे इन बातों से ज़्यादा फ़र्क पड़ता रहा है   तुम्हें पड़ता होगा थोड़ा कम, यही बात ठान लेता हूँ   कई कोशिशों के बाद भी जान नहीं पाया एक इंसान को   आखिर मैं उसे एक अजनबी मान लेता हूँ उसने दर्जा खो दिया है मेरे माशुक होने का  अब सारे वहम दिल से निकाल लेता हूं।                                                            –शिनाख्त 

What's the difference between a stranger and her.. My mind says both do not bother...I first one is not known to me and the later one is not to be known by me. I try to know her but she refused.she can't be known to me as she refused to let me know. I don't know her exactly. I don't know the first one and I am not able to know the second one. At the end there is nothing of too much difference between a stranger and her. But still , she is a stranger with some memories.

I have a dream to become one of the best. To read all the things ..to get all the knowledge...to become one of wise. To read all the subjects. And I will fucking do it... sometimes curiousity...sometimes compulsion as structure... Not to others but just for myself. CSE provides me that opportunity, and I will do it. It's purely selfish but I like it.

आज क्या हुआ है कि तुझे याद किया, सँवरे हुए दिन को यूँ फिर बर्बाद किया। कुछ लिखने को बचा नहीं है तेरे बारे में, आज फिर हमने स्याही को यूँ ही आज़ाद किया। सिर्फ़ अकेलेपन की वजह से तेरा ग़म है, वरना हमने तो दिल को तुझसे आज़ाद किया। अब क्या फ़ायदा उन इश्क़ की गलियों में जाकर, अब हमने उस गैर को ख़ुद से आबाद किया। अब तो कोई और ही आएगा, तुम कभी नहीं, तुझसे तो हमेशा के लिए दिल आज़ाद किया।                                                         – शिनाख्त 

Because your brain isn’t a machine, no matter how much you try to treat it like one. When you keep thinking “I should be studying… I should be studying…” all the time, a few annoying things happen: 1. Mental overload (your brain quietly rebels) You’re constantly “on,” even when you’re not actually studying. That burns mental energy. So when you finally sit down to study, your brain is already tired and goes, “absolutely not.” 2. Anxiety replaces focus Instead of learning, your mind is busy worrying about whether you’re studying enough. That pressure blocks concentration. It’s like trying to read while someone keeps tapping your shoulder. 3. No real rest = worse performance Your brain needs breaks to process and store information. If you never mentally switch off, you’re basically stuffing papers into a drawer without organizing them. 4. Guilt loop You think about studying → feel guilty for not studying → feel stressed → avoid studying → repeat. A beautifully useless cycle. 5. Motivatio...

There are many things apart from love that gives happiness. Having a successful life, having attention of people, feeling confident and feeling well groomed...and many more... Flex karne main bada maza ata hai ...even intellectual Hi kyun na ho  Ego massage gives you happiness. Love ka void ego bhar deta hai. So don't worry if you don't have love life right now. It is one aspect of life, not the complete life itself.

I will do a comeback. this year it will be my comeback...i will do everything whatever under my control. whether physically, emotionally, financially, and academically, hairwise, facewise ...i will do a comeback...i will achieve my dreams. i am not enough right now ...not for people ...not for others...just for myself. I am not where I supposed to be. I will improve myself but I don't hate myself either. i will do more...and this all not because of people...it is purely selfish. I will keep patience and never stop trying. Whether people like me or not (facewise)...I will do what I want to do (being fit). I'm tired of fixing my face...I will exercise, no doubt..I try to keep myself fit...keep by face fit ...but bhaad main jaaye wo log jinhe pasand nhi hai mera chehra. I will control my controllables like exercise but won't think too much about uncontrollables like face . I will try to take care of my hairs and diet...but can't too much damm about the genetics hair loss. ...

लोगों के हिसाब से जीते जाना   उनके हिसाब से ग़म सीते जाना   खुद के ग़म खुद पीते जाना   अच्छा नहीं होता   दिल की बातें अंदर रखना   आँखों को बेवजह समंदर रखना   खुद के अंदर खंडहर रखना   अच्छा नहीं होता   हर बार सिर्फ जीत को पा लेना   हर बार हार को छुपा लेना   कभी हार-जीत की सीख न लेना   अच्छा नहीं होता   औरों के लिए खुद को खोना   उनकी उम्मीदों का बोझा ढोना   किसी के लिए अच्छा होता होगा...   मेरे लिए अच्छा नहीं होता                                      –शिनाख्त 

so this whole story started in class 12, it started with problems of uncertainty of future that what i will do after 12th. i don't figure out myself where i would go , where i can make a good career. in class 12th, i topped my school in my stream. everyone was happy but i am not so happy. i was still in the thought where i would go after 12th.  i kind of aware of my financial constraints but dreams never care about them. there were my 3-4 friends in class 12 , they were my best friends but somehow they turned awkward after class 12. i kind of became nihilist as all my base of life meaning has ruined. i completed education, still felt problematic, i lose friends, i know my family which kind of quite orthodox in nature. and suddenly the nights started to be awaken.  i lose my sleep.but this was not so much of my concern. i met some people to help me with this career thing but somehow i am not convinced by them. i somehow decide to go for civil services but still, as casual , don...

दिल टूटने के बाद दिल, दिल नहीं रहता, समझदार हो जाता है, फिर नादान नहीं रहता। कौन वफ़ा के काबिल, कौन बस गुज़रता बादल, सबसे रिश्ता रहता है, पर कोई अपना नहीं रहता। बस एक ठोकर मांगी थी ज़माने से कभी, जो मिली इतनी मिली, अब कोई गिला नहीं रहता। रात को किस हसीना को ख़्वाब में देखा था, सुबह उठकर उन यादों का भी निशान नहीं रहता। अब कौन आए इस दिल में दिया जलाने को, खंडहरों में यूँ ही कोई मेहमान नहीं रहता। रात भर लिखते रहे हम अपनी दास्तान, सुबह होते ही खुद पर भी यक़ीन नहीं रहता।                                                                   - शिनाख्त 

so it contains many things as time consumed by one person to clear cse, comparison with other toppers, why we feel ourselves loser, and why we don't have patience , what not ...these are not exact my words but they help me so here you go don't compare yourself yourself to any topper. they have different story, you got a different one. all the first time clearing this exam are either too much privileged or good at something in their other career. Or if you look at list , there are actually many people who clear this exam first time after 2-3 failures. So this exam actually took some time of yours . And for me , there is also a sense of mental burden that i have overcome for 1 and half year . you have to develop patience... why is it taking you so much time ... you must develop patience..i know its difficult ...but remember what RUDYARD KIPLING SAID IN ''IF'' ...if you can wait and not tired by waiting. its your age of everything...you think a lot, you will become...

So when i started preparing for the exam , there is a sense of detachment i felt and still feel during the preparation of the exam. i thought that why this syllabus if cse is so boring ? i mean i can't able to connect myself with cse syllabus. i have too many question regarding emotions, and my thoughts and what not  eg. why this happens to me, why this happens in such way only to me, why i feel disconnectd from myself even when upsc cse syllabus is vast among every exam. so here lies the answer, cse syllabus is not for the inside world. it does not answers you the inside question  of yours. thats why most of the people who clear this exam are either emotional stable or those who are ignorant , the later one get emotionally unstable during the service. because this exam promise you emotional awareness , before or after. so why and how read the syllabus ?  because it answers your outside world questions. it answers how world works. it answers why world behaves in certain w...

मेरी बस यही मूँडता  है  ये चेहरा आँखें ढूँढता हैं  इंसान बात गया हर तरह  दिल एक पूरा इंसान ढूँढता है  पूरे दिन आराम देख कर  कुछ पल काम ढूँढता हैं  बस लिखना नहीं है काम मेरा  ये सख्श एक नाम ढूँढता है दिल टूटने के बाद कांच न किया  बस इसी बात का इनाम ढूँढता हैं                                                     - शिनाख्त 

today, i am ending all my long duration pleasure for building my career.  15th March is my the last day of trip which I did today.  It's my last party today. And honestly, i don't like parties anymore with too much crowd. Only 1 or 2 persons are enough for my company. इस शहर में किससे मिलें  हमसे तो छुटी महफिलें। I don't like too much crowd ...i stop liking being in a group. And it's not a disrespect to anyone....it's just my preference. till cse, i will avoid long meeting, long trips with friends, long trips with families , giving time to people ..more than reasonable. i will avoid full cravings... i will avoid fast food to satiate my hunger. i am avoiding everything that consumes my too much time i have to avoid these things to change myself because i like my changing myself ,, i have to eliminate some things from me. thays why i am doing it . i am not saying that i am ending all my social connections... i will meet people, enjoy things but not at the extent of en...

instability that i will be writing here may be resonated with the concept of dukkha or something that you can call in your own terms. the words may fluctuate but the idea is tight. whatever you think, be it nature, be it universe, be it god or be it any super natural thing or be it absurdity that can't be named , which give us the birth has also given us death just after the birth. i mean just look at the fact that since birth, there are the doors of death at every point. like if he has given us birth, why would it give us death. if we are born to be dead, why we are born even at the first place... the answer is nature or what you may call it , is unstable at the very core of it. and we are the product of that instability. there are many instances of us getting dead as leaving social group,...so mental exhaustion ..that lead to instability. getting heartbroken ...is also an instance of instabilty... it could be said that ...the person dies everyday, but the death comes at the end. ...

So there is this poet nazir kazmi. I fucking love d him man. I guess he almost did my sketch in his gazal which is as follows  अपनी धुन में रहता हूँ मैं भी तेरे जैसा हूँ ओ पिछली रुत के साथी अब के बरस मैं तन्हा हूँ तेरी गली में सारा दिन दुख के कंकर चुनता हूँ मुझ से आँख मिलाए कौन मैं तेरा आईना हूँ मेरा दिया जलाए कौन मैं तिरा ख़ाली कमरा हूँ तेरे सिवा मुझे पहने कौन मैं तिरे तन का कपड़ा हूँ तू जीवन की भरी गली मैं जंगल का रस्ता हूँ आती रुत मुझे रोएगी जाती रुत का झोंका हूँ अपनी लहर है अपना रोग दरिया हूँ और प्यासा हूँ And that last line is fucking relatable.

People are so fucking emotionally unaware. They are so emotionally stupid to fuck their life and their related ones. They don't know how much one cares for someone. They don't know how emotions puzzles others She the girl whom I love ,is also dumb...better to say nasamjh. How could someone be allowed to befriend the person who is interested in a relationship. Being nice to everyone, and not saying properly no  And treating them gracefully ,Saying him all good things but not caring for how much one person could miss her. And even if they show care, they refused to admit it as love ....that confusion tears me apart. She never share the same emotional depth as I do. She want my friendship and i want her love...that's was clear mismatch. She don't have awareness....that's why she is nasamajh. Awareness about her actions, awareness about her behaviour, awareness about what she is saying. But I forgive them...because they don't ever feel pain ...or if they feel pain i...

कितने झूठ खुद से बोले थे, कितनों को समझाया था। जब खुद से बस एक सच कहा, पूरा जीवन याद आया था। अब नहीं लड़ता मैं किसी से, दरिया सा बस बहता हूं। अब खुद से सिर्फ सच कहता हूं, इसके अलावा कुछ नहीं कहता हूं। लोगों से अब क्या उम्मीद करूं, जब खुद में ही मशरूफ रहता हूं। अपनी गलतियां खुद सुधारता हूं, और खुद को ही बस सहता हूं।

जो चला गया उसे जाने दे, और भी शख़्स हैं ज़माने में। चेहरा उसका भी चाँद सा था, पर और भी सितारे हैं ज़माने में। वो रही जैसी भी, बावफा या बेवफ़ा, और भी दिलकश लोग हैं ज़माने में। हाँ, तू वक़्त ले उसे भुलाने को, जिसने तुझे भुला दिया। मगर ये मत भूलना, तेरी वफ़ा के क़ाबिल और भी हैं ज़माने में। हो सकता है ऊपरवाला एक ही हो, मगर उसके हज़ारों चेहरे हैं ज़माने में।

अब किसके बारे में लिखें इस ज़माने में, किसको हम बुरा कहें इस ज़माने में। अब ऊँच-नीच का कोई पर्दा न रहा, सब ही बुरे लगे हमें इस ज़माने में। किस किस को परखें शक्ल से  खुद की शक्ल बुरी लगी इस ज़माने में  किस-किस को दें आवाज़ लौट आने की, आवाज़ और प्यार जो खो गए इस ज़माने में। एक भी शख़्स न मिला हमें दिल लगाने को, यूँ ही जुदा रहे हम इस ज़माने में। शायद हमारी भी कभी बात करेगा ये ज़माना, अभी तो कोई बात नहीं करता इस ज़माने में। किसी एक ने भी इश्क़ किया होता, तो क्या होता बस हम शायर न होते इस ज़माने में।                                                    –शिनाख्त 

Feeling sad...dukhi ho...kisi se bhi ...logon se ...yaa khud se ...yaa kisi se .. Read it पुराने दुख भुलाने के लिए नया दुख लगता है  हो चाहें कितने गम ,किसी एक से सुख लगता है  आते जाते मुसाफिरों की है ये ज़िंदगी  कितने भी हो सुख, फिर भी दुख लगता है  कितने अजाब झेले , कितनी खुशी मनाई  जैसा भी हो वक्त, अपनों के साथ सुख लगता है  धीरे धीरे सुधर जाते है सब लोग न जाने क्यूं  आखिर सबको खुदसे ही क्यूं दुख लगता है  हम तो अपनी कहते हैं, लोग जो समझे  मेरा किस्सा , किसी को दुख, किसी को सुख लगता है और कितना भी लिखो तुम शिनाख्त  कभी न लिखना भी बहुत सुख लगता है

lately, life is boring. i mean its not sad though, but also its also not happy too much either. i have started preparing for cse.  i mean there is work to do, i have to chase targets. otherwise i am just a plain dosa. food ...eat not too much, no such cravings for spicy one . no such too much sexual cravings. sometimes, i do enjoy poetries, i enjoy writing blog sometimes, sometimes i enjoy cartoons. sometimes i enjoy calling my friends, sometimes i enjoy mushairas, i do exercise everyday., but there is no one alone thing that i can say, it fulfills me. otherwise , i have to complete my weekly targets. and thats how my boring life is. there is no great happiness, but there is also no great sadness. ...thats how my life lately been flowing with boredom. maybe it can be attributed to that one girl who left me. i don't usually miss her too much but sometimes its just some memories, though she is a good girl, but not good for me..i have compatibility issues with her ...not too loud but ...

pleasure and enjoyment, one should not chase them , rather live with them as daily process than a destination. the title itself say that loud what i will be writing down....but what it hides is ...its about addiction of any sort...as light up a joint, smoking, any other drugs or what not... i just into food cravings so i don't know about others but it can be hint to other addictions as well. Generally I love spicy food...and somehow I can't control it. So much that i am little overweight ... So the solution is  Be patience...because the byproduct of not fulfilling cravings everytime is good health...which is very important for many purposes. As low maintenance, better thinking, better looks ,better shape of body, better weight ,  better chances of fit body , and better chances to live disease free life.so I can escape some pain. A little closer step to getting " not staying poor" You can satisfy them once in a while...but not everyday... Try to reduce your cravings......

i generally overthinks and so as date approaches or better to say as exam approaches , the overthinking boosts and thats where i failed...so here comes 2 division process the first one reharding general overthinking ... you have to accept it and sometimes you need not to write everything in your head...leave things imperfect..leave things incomplete...never fully try to perfect your life. Tumhe lagta hai sochne se kuch ho jayega... philosophy jaan ne se kuch ho jayega...bas hamara Mann shant ho jata hai...hum bass ye jaan lete hain ki hum kuch bhi nhi jaante... enlightened fools ban jaate hai. Kaam toh wahi hona hai. understand the root cause behind it...for me it is cse..as a way to perfectly score...so to say my root cause is perfection in cse  ...naresh saxena perfectly wrote this  पुल पार करने से पुल पार होता है नदी पार नहीं होती नदी पार नहीं होती नदी में धँसे बिना नदी में धँसे बिना पुल का अर्थ भी समझ में नहीं आता नदी में धँसे बिना पुल पार करने से पुल पार नहीं होता सिर्फ़ ...

due to lack of conversation, or due to lack of understanding , or due to many things...there is a social  pressure on parents ...that their child must be successful.  how to handle that ?  1. DONT HANDLE THAT...LEAVE THAT ... YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. 2. GIVE EVERY TEST THAT YOU KNOW AND PROVE SOMETHING 3. STUDY AND MAINTAIN YOUR GOALS...BASICALLY FOCUS ON YOUR GOALS. 4. I CAN'T MAKE MY PARENTS UNDERSTAND THIS, ESPECIALLY MY MOM.....I WILL TRY TO CONVINCE THEM AT SUCH TIME. 5. GHARWALE TOH BOLTE HI REHTE HAIN...DON'T TAKE THEM TOO MUCH SERIOUS ....THAT YOU LOSE YOUR SENSE OF WORK.. 6. ITS MY DREAM , SO ITS MY FIGHT AND THATS WHY THEY DON'T BOTHER ME SO MUCH. 7. ONCE YOU GET FINANCIAL FREEDOM, THE PRESSURE IS GONE. मा बाप आपके सपनों के खिलाफ़ नहीं हैं  वो बस्स आपको गरीब नहीं देखना चाहते ।  8. THERE IS NO FINANCIAL PRSSURE TO EARN, EVERYBODY WHO IS PRESSURISZING YOU FINANCIALLY, ASK THEM ONE QUESTION.... WHY I NEED TO EARN RAPIDLY SO MUCH..ऐसी कॉनसी मुसीबत aअ...

 tension aati jaati rehti hain...chill dude and do the work . kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahan nahi milta  kabhi jameen nahi milti , kabhi aasmaan nhi milta

मुझसे सीखो कैसे किसी को ज़िंदा मार देता हूँ, पूरा खेल जीतकर आख़िरी बाज़ी हार देता हूँ। मौत है सबसे आसान तरीका बिछड़ने का, मैं उसे ज़िंदा छोड़ खुद की जान हार देता हूँ। मैं कभी एक से दोबारा इश्क़ नहीं करता, हाँ लेकिन किसी दूसरे पर दिल हार देता हूँ। अब वो जहाँ रहे, वो जाने, हमें उससे क्या  मैं तो खुद को दुनिया पे निसार देता हूँ। मेरे टूटे दिल ने लगा दी आग तेरी यादों में अब तुझे जलाकर खुद को संवार लेता हूं। और भी दुख रहे होंगे मोहब्बत के सिवा, यही समझाकर खुद को करार देता हूँ।                                                   – शिनाख्त 

This is last and the worst phase of ending a relationship... The simple thought that pops up is she is having sexual communication with someone else and here I am single with nothing, except to masturbate And that's why it hits hardest...the jealously, the shame, and what not. The answer is she has gone and that chapter ends quite some time ago. Stop checking her. Don't fight this thought and accept the coming of this thought not the thought itself. Like don't act the thought. There are many people on this planet earth having sexual communication...and they don't even bother to me. That's why she became stranger again...aur strangers kitne bhi khubsurat kyun na ho... strangers hi hote hain. Then what is pint of imagining some stranger having sexual communication... EWWW  Aur main inferior nahi hun...agar main single hun toh. It usually takes time...time is the essential element... Tujhe bhi koi aur pasand aa jayega.you will be sexually connected to someone. Till tha...

Too much ideal.

Whether your true love, whether your parents, whether your brothers and sisters , or your best friends or your enemies. Don't expect them to be complete Black or white ... As I always wanted unconditional love...but it's not possible...but that does not mean it automatically gives me abandonment issues...still people loves me , cares me . Life exist in grey... everything exist in grey.

ज़िंदगी में कभी भी बेशर्त प्यार नहीं मिलता, और जब इंसान कोई ये कमी महसूस होती है तो वो खुद को हमेशा अधूरा ही पाता है। इस मर्ज का कोई इलाज़ नहीं है, बस ये बात अपना ली जाए कि ज़िंदगी में ऐसा ही होता है, यही कटु सत्य है । क्या हम किसी को आज तक बेशर्त प्यार दे पाए हैं ? क्या हम किसी से खुलकर बात कर पाएं हैं ? इसलिए बातें करना बहुत ज़रूरी है । ये एक आदर्श बात है कि बेशर्त प्यार मिल जाए , पर फिर भी गहरा प्यार तो है ही, थोड़ा खुश रखने वाला प्यार तो है ही। खुद को अधूरा महसूस करने वाले जब शायरों से मिलते हैं तो खुद को थोड़ा सहज महसूस करते हैं । क्योंकि एक अधूरे को हमेशा दूसरा अधूरा ही समझ सकता है।  ख़ैर एक कविता लिखने की कोशिश की मैने इस बात पर । एक चाँद को पीछे छोड़ आया, अपने घर को ख़ुद ही तोड़ आया। रास्ते में मिला था एक बच्चा, उसके लिए मैं तारे तोड़ आया। एक मोहब्बत से क्या टूटे हम, हर दिल्लगी को पीछे छोड़ आया। रास्तों में अक्सर मिलते हैं चौराहे, मेरी ज़िंदगी में बस एक मोड़ आया। किन अपनों से कहूँ खुलकर अब मैं, दिल में ख़ामोशी का निचोड़ आया। अब क्या मतलब रहा ज़माने से, मैं गुल्लक से कुछ दोस...

i will not available readily , though i love you ....i will be there when you only needs me otherwise i will be distant. the only thing i can figure out is you never loved me unconditionally, you loved me because i could become one of your resource in your old age and there is nothing being wrong in that. but you never gave me what i lack and what i crave for, though you gave me many things and i am always indebted to you. its not your fault, but the only fault here is ignorance, though there is nothing that you can do.  that is my reason to create a safe distance from you.  the problem with me is that if i will be close to you as a resource, i can't able to figure out that this love which you will showering me is unconditional or out of your my resourcefulness.  the most difficult part here is lack of conversation , which i think could be addressed but my parents never cared about conversations , they care about my future. Though they can't loved me unconditionally, stil...

don't allow your past to ruin the present which is important for your bright future...because future is what do you do with the present. ... what about future?  future is what will i do today, not what i think today about future. .... But  what about future?  future is what will i do today, not what i think today about future. Never think about future...do what you want today ...and never seize the day...leave some things for the next day. now lets think about 2 possibilities of the exam  1. you ace the exam..everything good but it is still a momentarily happiness. 2. you lose the exam ...feels bad but still a momentarily sadness so the thing that actual matter is how you spend your days without even thinking or putting pressure of a single moment. thats why i say, enjoy the day as you want , never complete the day and live not for that one moment rather how you must live your life.... .... but log daatenge agar main fail ho gya to?  log taarif bhi karenge agar ...