GUILT AND UPSC

 so it took me a while to figure out dealing with guilt during my upsc cse preparation. There are many things that one can simply do or which i think i did and will do to deal with this guilt in this preparation.

there will be a sort of question and answer format that will prevail as a form of dialogue , not a speech.

1. why you want to do it ? 

and it consists many questions 

a. why only cse ? answer is NO , NOT ONLY CSE , ये नहीं तो कुछ और सही,  कुछ और नहीं तो कुछ और सही । 

b. why only you ? answer is i like to read , learn and generally like studying.

c. is it prove anyone anything ? answer is never . not to prove anyone anything. not to lucidate anyone. not to impress anyone and i mean it. not for family, not for friends , not for any relationship .

d. then why still you doing cse ? answer is for prove myself only. DO IT FOR YOURSELF AND DO IT TILL YOUR LAST BREATHE . 

2.. dont chase perfection : i could as much i can on this topic but the answer lies that there will never be perfection at least not in this life , maybe possible in another life lol . so do it as much you can do . life is and will be messy and just accept it and still work despite not getting perfection. there will be break days, there will be days that makes you question everything, there will be holidays. there will be days when you can't do anything, can't study ...accept them and move on as understanding that it all part of life. 

3. say no to targets: i mean it works for me. i dont create and follow targets. just follow a timeline . targets build unnecessary  pressure which in my personal opinion does not work for me rather i study more without any pressure . always think about next 2 hours, not the whole day . 

4. time : don't count time. don't measure it how many days it took me, why it took me more days or months or years . it quite subjective, its your pace of learning , understanding  and maturity. let go of past and comparisons with others. allow yourself to exist as you are and then try to do things as you want to. its okay to take such time. GOOD THINGS TAKE TIME . everything happens on a time which you sometimes can't control. you just have to wait patiently.

5.  acceptance that there will be a sort of anxiety and guilt that creep around you always during upsc cse preparation. you can't do anything about it . let it be . by accepting it, it helps in dealing with yourself while you going nuts. 

6. Work : Guilt for not studying? 😭 Just pick small study...and then it started to fade away.

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