Mere kadhi chawal

If you can keep your head when all about you        Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,     But make allowance for their doubting too;    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,     Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,     And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;        If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster     And treat those two impostors just the same;    If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken     Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,     And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings     And risk it on one ...

 It just flows...like a river . Let go expectations of upsc cse. Study as you flow like water and stillness...with peace. Let go of old conventional methods and norms and old conventional expectations of upsc cse. Aur aise hona hoga toh hoga...main aisa hi hoon...cse nhi hoga aise toh naa sahi...cse apna attitude rakh le ..main apna rakh lunga. Atleast I got myself ...khud ko kho ke cse paa bhi liya toh kya faayda. For uncertainty, plan things out.

: honesty is the brevity  :  know thyself : know the reason behind your stupidity and foolishness and badtmeezi , know the why are you doing it even unintentionally :  and balance between the be yourself vs better yourself  : and if that thing is not suitable to you,change the things in such way that suits you even discarded by world , change the way not the destination because  : because jack of all trades i am  : Don't count the time you engage in work, rather count the work you got engaged. And spend your time as your wish not someone else.

ना मोहब्बत की तलाश है, ना किसी के आने की आस है। किसी को बुला लूँ अपनी तरफ़, न कोई मेरे इतना पास है। किसी के जाने से दुख हो, ना किसी के जाने की आस है। ये जैसी भी है ज़िंदगी मेरी, मेरे लिए बहुत ख़ास है। सच में बन गया हूँ मैं सितारा, अब सबको मेरी ख़्वाहिश है। पर दूर हूँ सबसे, जैसे कोई साज़ है, अब दिल में दफ़्न कई राज़ हैं। जैसा भी है, पसंद है मुझे, अब न चाँद की आस है। हो सकता है यूँ ही अधूरे हैं हम, और कुछ इसी तरह पूरे हैं हम।                                         –शिनाख्त 

आता है एक सख्श पसंद  उसके चेहरे से उसकी चमड़ी से  उसके हुस्न के पेहरों से फिर हर हरकत उसकी अच्छी लगती है गलत होने पर भी सही लगती है  अगर वो है गलत तो आपकी जिम्मेदारी बनती है  अगर वो है सही तो आपकी होशियारी बनती है उसकी बातें अच्छी लगने लगती हैं  कम दिमाग हो तो मीठी लगने लगती हैं  ज्यादा दिल की लगने लगती है कम मिठास हो तो ज्यादा दिमाग की लगती है  दिमाग दिल से अच्छा लगता है जैसे भी हो , वो इंसान तुम्हे बहुत अच्छा लगने लगता है तुम्हे अपना चांद भी दिखाई दे जाए  तुम्हारी अपनी रात भी ले जाए  बात तो सीधी सी बोली उसने  तुम्हारा जी चुराके ले जाए  वो इतना अच्छा नहीं , वो तो आम है  ये आपकी सोच है , इसलिए वो खास है पर जरूरी नहीं जो आपको सुंदर लगे  वो सबको सुंदर लगे  इसलिए दिल सबसे लड़ने को तैयार है शायद यही वो प्यार है ।                               – शिनाख्त 

TODAY , 17 NOV  It will stay with me for a while. It will gonna hurt me for a while. I will be burning in that love of a girl. Nobody understands me completely yet everyone understands me in someway or other. I have no mood to share anything with anyone. Padhai Karo...Mann hatakar  And this trembling of legs will away as you would be stable as studying..and staying away from love. I will be Jordan of Rockstar. Watch some girls in market ...jerk off in bathroom without porn ...and watch insta for recreation. Mera toh pyaar se Bharosa uth chuka hai. I will not do arrange marriage at all ...I will do love marriage at any cost...OR can't able to marry at all. Today ,18 nov.  Kuch shauk develop kar liye hain ...jaise janmbhoomi jaakr subah chai peena  Akele ghumne jaana ...shaam ko ekant mein  Today ,19 nov. Arrange marriage is quite privilege given by society to disable people who can't choose someone to spend life... Either I will choose someone to spend my life or...

with the incoming of more advanced technology , the world seems to shrink, the connectivity seems almost like the blink of an eye. the human connections are so easily available with just one tap away from your screen. it feels all good and correct just like an utopia but why distress rising so much ? why are people getting more and more anxious ?  the thing which aimed to make our social interaction more accessible , how is it collapsing the social interaction ? how it is using itself as a way of escaping the reality ? why are we unable to think more clearly ? why we almost fogged in our thoughts and always distracted ? why we always feel tired and ready to sleep but our body don't ? why are our eyes and brain always tired but body so active ?  the answer to all these questions lies in the form of mobile phones. the thing which was invented to make our life easy somehow making our mental health so tensed which ultimately making our lives difficult. its like an irony in itself ...

There is a popular nazm by sahir ludhyanvi as  main pal do pal ka shayar hun  pal do pal meri kahani hai  pal do pal meri hasti hai pal do pal meri jawani hai  .... mujhse pehle kitne shayar  aaye aur aa kar chale gye  kyi aahein bharkar aaye the  kyi nazmein gaakar chale gaye  wo bhi ek pal ke kissa the  main bhi ek pal ka kissa hun  kal tumse juda ho jaunga  jo aaj mein tumhara hissa hun ... ... kal aur aayenge khilti kaliyan chunne waale mujhse behtar kehne waale  tumse behatar sunne waale  ..... kal koi mujhko yaad kare  kyun koi mujhko yaad kare  mashroof zamane mere liye  kyun waqt apna barbaad  kare ... main pal do pal ka shayar hun .... .... the nazm is too good and had been written for outside world and ego how the outside world sees you does not define you, rather it defines your ego ...simply to say what world thinks about you and how you able to see what world thinks... sahir already said th...

I'm 23 and getting older day by day...I have to do something to earn . I have to do it... despite not attaching with it too much. You can save some time for yourself in the day for doing what you like ...as writing blogs, poetries and doing what you want to do in the day. I don't like it ...i don't like to prepare for upsc cse...but i can tolerate it . it's not a matter of liking it anymore. no emotional attachment to upsc cse . Selling my soul to devil. It's totally crap.... these all study...i like to learn and study but not these subjects ... लेकिन मजबूरी में गधे को बाप बनाना पड़ता है। There is nothing that I can do about it right now accept it...just accept the situation. It feel worse in starting but will get better overtime. And do it eventually.. slowly slowly. Progressively...not to win on 1st day...rather win on that exam day. not so perfect, but still fighting. work in small , bring changes while studying and dont be guilty for it, there is limit of what y...

disclaimer: could be uncomfortable to many people , its all about masturbation.  since childhood of many young adults , lust plays an awkward role. it presents all the time, sometimes beneath the surface , sometimes all full blown up  1. if you are attracted to anyone, it is lust to make your copies by reproducing ...love backs you up, when you emotionally attached to that person .  2. lust will be there. it ain't go . it could reduce with age , mean to say its intensity and frequency to jerk off would go down in your old age due to hormonal lacking. so acceptance is the way.  3. there are many catalysts for that lust. better to call them triggers to make you jerk off. even if i don't watch porn , there is too much softcore porn in every movie, web series or even in any online or offline content .  so where to draw the line ?  like i can't control myself during that time?  how could i ? 4. all this process of jerking off multiple times in a day makes m...

 i am that stage of that of my life that i can't completely get rid of family.  neither i can completely ignore my family nor i have to fully engage with family.  for sometime , maybe for 6 months i ahave to restrict myself only to study, meeting someone only for small time to friends, and not engaging with family fully , avoid their normal calls during study of any person , only pickup in emergency ...call them or engage with them in your free time ...no pressure to pick up call , or from any person . be cold for family for sometime.  make mornings very productive , and no lectures in morning. could jerk off in your free time and study as much as possible.  Honestly I don't like social rules, norms and family members adopting them.

तुझे खुद से बचाया है इस दिल को कैसे मैंने समझाया है मैं सूखा दूँ किसी को, सहरा हूँ तू तो दरिया है, मुझे क्यों पाया है मेरी हैवानियत का अंदाज़ा है मुझे तू फूल सी नाज़ुक है मैं फ़िक्र नहीं करता किसी को तोड़ने में तू रब की इबादत है तुझे खुद से दूर रखना है बस इसी तरह तुझे बचना है मैं तो आग हूँ आग, जला दूँ यूँ ही तुझे क्यों बेवजह सुलगना है मुझसे थोड़ा दूर रह लड़की तू देख न पाएगी मुझे, डर लेगी कोशिश भी मत कर मुझसे पास आने की एक मुलाकात अपने सर लेगी मैं तो बर्बाद रहकर आज़ाद हूँ तू अपने पिंजरे में आबाद है मैं खुश हूँ बुलंद हूँ तू एक बेवजह छिड़कता साज़ है मुझे मालूम है मेरी हक़ीक़त अभी नहीं जानती तू मुझे ग़लती से इश्क़ मत कर बैठ मुझसे पूछेगी ज़माने से, क्या हो गया तुझे मैं खुश हूँ तू खुश है क्यों अपनी खुशियों में आग लगाना चाहती है तू क्यों मुझे अपनाना चाहती है मुझे आज़ाद रहने दे और भी थोड़ी बुलंदी सहने दे एक आँसू भी ख़तरा है हुकूमत के लिए मुझे ये सब अंदर ही कहने दे...                                     ...